High Maintenance Whiney Types!

Tonight is my last night in Dallas. I got back to my hotel after a long day of ASTD conference sessions and was going to write about that. But first, I went for a quick bite to eat in the hotel restaurant - and the story there was much more interesting.

After about 10 minutes, a couple was seated at the table next to mine. The husband got there first and was happy to find a plug for his laptop and WIFI connection. He quickly found something on the menu he liked and ordered two waters and a coffee while waiting for his wife to join him (likely in the little girl's room).

When the wife walked up, she was already scowling. The woman complained and moaned about everything. The menu changed. The prices were higher (they were not high). But most of all, she had it in her mind that she wanted a burger and they did not have burgers on the menu. They had several other sandwiches to choose from, but no beef burgers. When she asked the waiter why they did not have burgers, he was nice, but confirmed that they did not make them. The woman asked whether they could get a burger somewhere else close. He gave them a couple options about 5-6 blocks away.

Moan, moan, moan. I could tell the husband wanted to stay but the woman went on and on about the menu, and that they were awful for changing the menu and raising the prices and SHE WANTED A BURGER.

My first thought was WHAT A B$%#&!
My second thought was - thank you! I feel lucky to have such a wonderful and flexible spouse.

Why did everything have to be about her? I bet she is like this all the time. The look on her face was one of disdain and anger - the lines etched from repeated frowning. Why would anyone put up with this?

Would it have killed her to have the chicken sandwich?

We have these people on our teams too. Do we put up with them? I think many tolerate it for too long. Being uncooperative and a lacking in the skills and actions that build strong and positive relationships IS A JOB RELATED PROBLEM. I don't hesitate making the case for disciplining and then even firing people who moan and complain a lot. These days, everything revolves around teamwork - your ability to be a positive member of the team is an important expectation and job component.

What do you think? Are you surrounded by a grumpy and demanding person? Do you tolerate it? Are you that person?

Comments

[Bud Bilanich]

Interesting post. I'm not going into the spousal dynamics issue here...
However, I do agree that we often tolerate -- enable even -- difficult people in the workplace. When my coaching clients begin to complain about a co worker, I always encourage them to adress the problem directly with the other person. I help them think through what they will say in the conversation. Sometimes we even role play. I'll take the role of my client, while he or she takes the role of the difficult co worker.
The important point here is that in too many work places we tolerate people with dysfuntional and disruptive behavior. This only gives these people permission to persist in this type of behavior.
The common sense way to handle this situation is to address the problem head on -- in a helpful, constructive manner. Often, this is more easier said than done --because of the potential for a blow up and increased level of conflict.
Thanks for this post. You've raised an important issue that is an impediment to team and organizational success.
Bud Bilanich
The Common Sense Guy
www.CommonSenseGuy.com

PS -- Didn't I see you at the ASTD Expo yesterday. I was the guy in the khaki slacks, pink button down shirt and blue blazer... (just kidding)

[Lisa Haneberg]

Bud - Thanks for adding to the conversation. I agree that we need to manage grumpy uncooperative behaviors like any other performance issue.

were you at ASTD? You are mostly right about the salesperson attire - khaki, navy blazer, but most the shirts were white. Pink would be an improvement. The other alternative is the matched t-shirts. A gaggle of people in the same shirt waiting to pounce.

I was saved from feeling like prey because my namebadge identified me as an independent consultant (translation - won't be buying anything from OTHER consultants). I heard from several people who had management titles and they felt like a slab of meat in a lion's den.

Talk about bad behavior!

[Bert]

Yes, these people are in every organization. But instead of complaining about them, I use them (see how flexible I am?). Due to their negative nature and ability to complain about everything, I run new ideas and programs past them. Nobody can spot the holes in a project like one of these people! Once I get their feedback, I tweak the project to fix the problems that they invariably find. By that time, the project is good to go!

[Eric]

No, I can't tolerate it and I am a tolerant person for the most part.

People that lack the emotional intelligence to be productive contributors need to go. Even worse - these people start to infect other people who are on the fence with their own emotional stability.

I paid the price years ago putting up with chronic complainers. Not any more. I have a responsibility to everyone in the organization to deal with them.

I can't believe they didn't have burgers at that place - what kind of restaurant is it anyway? ;)

[Lisa Haneberg]

A Gyros and Buffalo Chicken Sandwich kind of place. She would have complained about the burgers if they had them, I am sure.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Bert - great idea to use their negative energy to positive means. If you can bring them to the light, great. Eventually, though, the organization will suffer more if they stay, don't you think?

[Johnnie Moore]

Sounds like a fun evening.

The thing is, I have evenings when I feel pretty whiney myself. And sometimes people in groups who whine may be doing the job for others who don't want to take the risk.

And yes, there comes a point where you can have enough of it!

[Lisa Haneberg]

Johnnie - I agree that sometimes we all feel a bit whiney and that a whine might also serve the conversation. I have had a couple days like this recently :-).

In this case, I got the sense that this is just the way the woman was all the time. We all have bad days. When someone is toxic as a general way of being, they gotta go!