They're Not That Into You

Remember the bestseller, He's Just Not That Into You? The author was on Oprah and everything. I thought the book enabled some great, open dialogue and I like that it got us to think about the reality that we will not appeal to everyone.

We want to be liked by everyone.
We want to be great at everything we do.
Most of us believe we are in the top 10% of performers - most of us are wrong.

I think there is an art to learning (and accepting and embracing) what you are great at and where you don't excel. This is more difficult when you are told that or you learn that you are not so great at something you really want to do. Should you shift course and change your goals and dreams? At what point might a new perspective and direction be warranted?

Rejection, failure, or disinterest is hard to take. Personally, I find disinterest the most difficult.

Here are a few indicators that might signal that a realignment of strengths and goals might be helpful:

• You have been in focused action for some time and have not produced your desired results (your butterfly wings have been flapping a lot).
• You do not have the energy or drive to get into focused action.
• You have suffered a few setbacks that all point to a potential mismatch of strengths and goals (for example, you have applied for several positions but have been told you are not the right fit).
• You are not enjoying the present.

One failure or setback is generally not enough to signal a need for realignment. There will always be setbacks. But a pattern might serve as important feedback that we should listen to.

We all have an "A Game" but most of us are B or C players. Why? Our strengths and interests and work are not aligned. We are in the wrong place and/or doing the wrong things.

It's about fit - not right or wrong or good or bad or smart or dim. If your work is not a fit to bring out your A Game, you won't likely find fit by doing the same things you have been doing in the past.

Try a new approach.
Consider a change in profession/job/scope/company.
Notice the activities that give you energy and those that sap it all out of you.
Listen to what people tell you about your strengths and weaknesses, seek candid input.

You might enjoy listening to my podcast with Marcus Buckingham that I did a few months ago - we chat about this.

Comments

[Lori]

Whether or not you are an A, B or C player, I believe everyone wants to do the best they can. I don't know of anyone who chooses to wake up every day and says "I want to go in and fail today'. However, so many employees do fail to no fault of their own! Today, we see hundreds of employers hiring folks for positions where the person's natural behavior is exact opposite of the behavioral job demands. When this happens, the employer sets them up to fail prior to their first day at work!

I see that progressive, forward thinking companies are recognizing the importance of looking at the 'whole' person, not just at the skill. It is important to understand the drive of the individual and motivators in order to help them progress to the A level. Hiring right the first time will add huge profits to the organization.

[Jeff]

Good point on the art of learning what you are good at and what not. The next step is to really have a positive attitude.

My strategy in managing people for over 20 years in the service business (i.e. fortune 100 companies and small start-ups) has always been to play of individuals strengths. If they want to focus on improving where they are weak at, I am all up for that. However, putting people in the right "seats" always drives a winning team.

I also agree with the comment about Behavior as the key driver and have witnessed many people that have excelled to the top after "getting moved to the right seat" after some potential failures in other roles. A great feeling and a sign of good leadership if you can identify the right tools and processes to us in order to do that effectively!