Peer Judgment - Get Over it

Here is a wee snippet of a piece I just wrote on how leaders build culture.

When I talk to managers about this topic of culture and management team health, I am often asked what managers ought to do if they do not respect their peers. Here is my answer:

Get over it. Unless you are the CEO or a Board Member, and unless your are in a position to select and terminate these other leaders, you should give up your feelings of ill will and resolve to be a great partner and coworker. Judgments are conversations. Change the conversations, change the reality. Most every manager has been selected for a reason and most are talented. Many people drive us crazy or rub us the wrong way with how they express themselves. So what? Be a great partner anyway! Nearly every manager I have met has been a dedicated hard worker with good intent. Quirks? Sure. Annoying habits? Almost always.

We need to be the change we seek. We want our employees to rise above personal differences to work together as a cohesive team. We cannot and should not expect this if we do not model excellence in this area. I believe that who we are together, as a management team, is almost more important than what we do as individual managers and leaders.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree?

Comments

[GreatManagement]

I recently interviewed one of the UK's top confidence coaches and he talked about 'sin binning'.

'Sin binning' is that area in your head you throw people when you don't want to have anything to do with them.

Somebody might say, for instance, "I hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I hope it sorts out." if the person is in your 'sin bin' you'll think, "They're trying to undermine me again. They're saying I can't cope. What's this?"

You'll translate whatever they say to fit in with that story.

The only way that any change happens is by you taking responsibility. That's the only way anything happens, is when you start realizing that you're the one that has to take responsibility for it.

If you don't, if you continue to have the same conversations, nothing is going to change. So eventually it may well be worth, say, having a conversation, saying, "I've had this attitude about you and it may not be right. I just want to clear it and try and get to the bottom of what's going on." Actually have a really, really, really open honest conversation with them.

Andrew

[Mike DeWitt]

Hi Lisa,

I have found through my consulting and corporate careers that this attitude makes all the difference in the world. I find it's best to take a proactive approach to getting along, and really looking to find their strengths helps with that.

Mike

[henry]

My best manager ever said. "There is no one here but us chickens." Huh? But it's the best advice ever. Want change? Make it. Want a better relationship with a boss? Cluck cluck.

[Melissa McCann]

This is an excellent point. Seeing people's faults instead of their strengths creates a hostile environment for everyone--including yourself. I wonder how many people who dismiss their coworkers as less-than-competent find themselves feeling judged and diminished in return.

[Rosa Say]

Absolutely agree Lisa. So well written! for me, this is your money quote: Change the conversations, change the reality.

You said this was a snippet: Will you be sharing more of the piece you refer to on how leaders build culture?

[Lisa Haneberg]

Thanks for all the great comments! I can see that this is something that we have all experiences in one way or another.

Rosa, yes, I will consider sharing the whole piece once it comes available!

[Tim]

I'm dealing with this right now. I have a manager that is unwilling to change the conversation. Do I continue to try and work with here to change the conversation or is it time for the change to be the manager? That's my current dilemma.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Tim:

I think you need to be clear about expectations regarding building and maintaining relationships, professionalism, and managerial role modeling. If she does not meet your expectations once they are clear, then she might need to be the change that occurs.

[Jay, writer MemberSpeed.com]

Yeah. We do have to be the change we seek. I agree. But sometimes it's hard to initiate certain changes, even if you know it's going to be for the better. I guess it's a matter of being caught up in cynisism. Is that bad? Maybe. But it's inevitable.

[David Zinger]

Lisa:

My background was as a counsellor and counsellor educator. It seems to me each day that managers need to understand themselves and others more fully.

Empathy and understanding are keys that are overlooked as we carry on a CrazyBusy path wondering why things are not done and beginning to heighten our level of negative judgement about the very people we lead.

In counselling, I always loved the question: Can you transform you judgement into curiosity?

Thanks Lisa.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Jay - I don't believe it is inevitable that we get caught up in cynicism. Some people do, some don't - it is a choice. I am not suggesting you do this for others, do it for yourself and because it is your job as a culture creator.

David: I like that question. I think it is possible to let go of judgment. With no judgment, the relationship has more options.

[Reg of Elemental Truths]

Lisa,
This is a great post. I am in the middle of an organizational restructuring right now and the "woe is me" mindset has really come to dominate the converstation of some of the team. I'm with you. If you don't like it; change it! Or at least be quiet about it. The sound byte for me on this one, "Think up, be up.Think down...."
Thanks,
Reg

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