Too Gruesome for a Business Book?

Just putting the finishing touches on Hip and Sage, and I thought I would ask your opinion. Is the following paragraph too gruesome for inclusion in a business book? It is the opening paragraph of an essay I am including in the book called, Tragically Hip (a funny look at the perils of going overboard with technology):

Sally was found in her fifth-floor condo face down on her computer keyboard. An orange Goddard College hooded sweatshirt and blue levis covered – like a pillow case covers a straw - her sucked in decomposing body. A pair of $300 Bose headphones were stuck to her red curly hair and ears. Her computer screen – still on - was filled with dozens of unanswered pop up IM windows and her Skype menu indicated that she had missed 47 calls. The coroner guessed that she had been dead for weeks. A few days prior, the police received an anonymous phone call from someone who was worried that screen name BikerChic64 from Seattle, WA, might be in some kind of trouble. Detectives worked with computer technicians at the King County Crime Scene Unit to determine BikerChic64’s identity and address. 

Comments

[Rob Brooks]

I don't see anything wrong with the paragraph above, but I guess I'm not the target demographic for the book.

I just read a relevant article on Fast Company today, Polarize Me.
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/114/column-made-to-stick.html
"The headlines try desperately not to exclude anyone. In doing so, they succeed at boring everyone."

Often I struggle to finish most business books because they fail to craft a story out of dry facts. I wonder how much of that was out of a desire to make the book mildly interesting to everyone, rather than fascinating to the people who would get the most out of it.

[Scot Herrick]

This works for me. The technology overload...it needs talking about.

[Mike DeWitt]

Lisa,

That seems completely appropriate to me.

Mike

[Alan Roberta]

Detectives worked with computer technicians at the King County Crime Scene Unit to determine BikerChic64’s identity and address.

What is meaning of this line.....

[Stephen Booth]

Looks OK to me.

I suppose it depends on how 'funny' (as in humourous) you want to be. If you're concerned, you might want to drop the phrase "sucked in decomposing".

Stephen

[Kent Blumberg]

I'd go for it. It isn't any more offensive than my daily paper, or the nightly news, and it will give your book some zip.

Just ask Bob Sutton about his extremely successful book, "The No Asshole Rule." The book is a scholarly treatment of the subject. It is very readable, but I doubt it would have sold half as well without the surprising title.

Kent

[kevin.l]

"Sucked in decomposing" sounds weird. But I would say, if you told me this was a true story, I would most likely believe it.

So, question, is it real? :P No, really, got me really curious personally speaking.