The Power of Sharing - And the Annoyance of Being Nickeled and Dimed

I just got back from teaching a workshop in Washington DC. The group was smart and warm and a lot of fun to work with. At the end, I asked for candid feedback about the workshop so that I can improve the workshop for future attendees. Their comments were very helpful.

I was quite touched and humbled by the thanks they extended to me for being generous with my work - Anything we discussed during the two days could be taken back and used without further purchase or license, etc...

On the LONG flight home (nearly six hours - yuck) I reflected on this notion and felt a bit sad that the simple act of sharing stood out as something unusual or special. Why is sharing not the NORM? Why would we not expect people and companies to give of themselves?

My pal Raj Setty recently wrote about this in a post called, A fundamental law - Give more and you will get more. I wholeheartedly agree with Raj on this and have seen it happen for me with my career.

This post is not just for consultants. Each of you has a sharing vs. charging style, too. When you work with others, do they feel like you have contributed something or taken something away? To get your way, do you have to PUSH (persuade, sell) or do you find that people PULL you toward them (enroll)?

Managers - are your people feeling nickeled and dimed by your gnatty requests and irrational changes in priorities? To what degree are you generous with your time, attention, and assistance?

I know that I can improve my sharing versus charging "score" and so can you. Let's all think about what we can do today to be more generous - and then let's do that today.

Comments

[Wally Bock]

Wonderful post, Lisa. I've believed for years that author/speaker/consultant types like us divide into two camps. There are those who work hard to wring every dollar out of what they have and to hunt down and punish those who use it without paying. And there are those who work hard to share what they do in as many ways as possible and don't worry about the occasional "exploiter" who might get something "free."

I agree that it's sad that the simple act of sharing, like the simple courtesies of "please" and "thank-you" have become exceptional events that merit comment.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Wally - I agree, I think that many of us feel like we are always being sold something and it gets so tiring and we don't engage for fear of setting ourselves up.

[Tanmay Vora]

Hi Lisa – the questions you have posed are very thought provoking. My experience so far as a manager suggests that sincerity and generosity always works. Be it your manager, your team member, your superior or your client – sincerity in communication and generosity in sharing is always sensed and reciprocated.

In this context, I wrote two posts over at my blog titled “Management, Leadership and Motherhood” – the crux is that manager/leader has to embrace core properties of motherhood like generosity in giving, pouring one’s self into the work and nurture without any expectations.

You can read the post here: http://qaspire.com/?s=%22motherhood%22 and here: http://qaspire.com/2008/12/06/sincerity-begets-sincerity/.

I would love to know your thoughts on these.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Tanmay - Thanks for the links. I think it was Keith Ferrazzi who said that all work is personal - that we should not try to make business relationships less relationship-like. The best managers create connective bonds. Yes, this makes our jobs harder when we need to discipline and terminate people, but if we select and manage well, we should not have to do this very often.

[Kare Anderson]

When giving enables the giver to see the best side in herself it reinforce the giving behavior

A powerful form of giving is specific, vivid praise about something someone did - sharing that praise with the people who are important to him.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Great point Kare - the best praise is specific and this tells us it is real. Have you ever head someone describe a place and you know, because of their generalness, that they have never really been there?

Employees figure this out, too. When we offer us general or vague observations, it tells the receiver that we weren't really paying attention.