Carl Rogers on Authenticity - On Becoming a Leader #leadership

Here's a thought provoking quote - my thoughts are on the other side. In On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers wrote this about the importance of trust in a helping relationship:

Can I be in some way which will be perceived by the other person as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense? Both research and experience indicate that this is very important, and over the years I have found what I believe are deeper and better ways of answering this question. I use to feel that if I fulfilled all the outer conditions of trustworthiness – keeping appointments, respecting the confidential nature of the interviews, etc. – and if I acted consistently the same during the interviews, then this condition would be fulfilled. But experience drove home the fact that to act consistently acceptant, for example, if in fact I was feeling annoyed or skeptical or some other non-acceptant feeling, was certain in the long run to be perceived as inconsistent or untrustworthy. I have come to recognize that being trustworthy does not demand that I be rigidly consistent but that I be dependably real.

Wow - this is very useful. Dependably real... Hmmm... what does that look like at 10:00am in the morning? In a staff meeting? When you think someone screwed up? When your employee is playing the victim? When your boss is being superficially "consistent?"

The hard part, of course, is learning how to be dependably real in ways that you don't regret later (or that puts others off). And for those of you who are recovering control freaks like me, we need to learn how we can be real while resisting the urge to over assert our notions (thereby becoming dependably obnoxious).

Authenticity is so valuable. Being humble and interested in others is also important for building trust. Self-absorption or aggression dressed in a costume called "being real" is not. Our challenge and opportunity: how can we be focused on serving others while ALSO showing our emotions and vulnerabilities (emotional intelligence)?

One more thing from the legendary Carl Rogers - his research of effective person-centered therapy indicated that the best therapists were not necessarily the most schooled or classically trained. The best therapists had two things in common - they did not overcontrol the helping relationship and they were more authentic and sensitive. This holds true in the world of business, too. Management is a social act and the best managers are relationship builders first and foremost. Some of the best managers I have worked with have not had the most impressive degrees, titles, or Fortune 100 experiences.

When we bring together service orientation and authenticity, we become more effective managers.

Comments

[Dick Richards]

Very nice Lisa. Carl Rogers was my first guru when I studied Clinical Psych in college--long time ago. I still rely heavily on his wisdom and am happy to see you bring his work forward.

Being "dependably real" sometimes means saying, "I screwed up," or "I'm frightened," or "I don't understand," or ...(fill in the blank). In short, it sometimes means owning up to our vulnerability and imperfection. Organizational cultures that I have run into simply don't allow for much of that. Admissions of vulnerability and imperfection are, especially in competitive environments, often seen as weakness, or untrustworthiness, are too often exploited by others, and too often carry serious bad consequences.

So while I applaud your call for "dependably real," I am very skeptical about seeing very much of it in today's workplaces.

[lisa haneberg]

Dick - yes, you are so right that being real sometimes means saying something tough. And while I share your concerns about the practical challenges, I think we can all scoot forward on the FAKE-to-REAL spectrum with a bit of courage :-). And we should!

[Dick Richards]

Agreed that, "...we can all scoot forward on the FAKE-to-REAL spectrum with a bit of courage :-). And we should!"

[china visa]

Be strong first and then you can have the ability to become a leader.

[David Zinger]

Lisa:

Carl Rogers brings back my 25 years in counseling psychology and teaching counseling. You made me realize that I have neglected him when looking at work. In many ways I think the role of both managers and teachers is moving close to the type of relationships we fostered in person centered counseling. Thanks.

David

[Dan Oestreich]

Ah, yes, I attended counseling school, too, and I remember the tapes of Carl Rogers. What's most meaningful to me in what you wrote, Lisa, relates the qualities of effective therapists -- especially that other criterion you mentioned besides authenticity: not "overcontrolling the helping relationship." Sometimes not so easy for us supportive controllers! And similarly applicable to leaders who struggle with letting go and honoring the capabilities of others. Thanks for writing this....

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” -- Carl Rogers

[kristin]

Lisa,

I wanted to congratulate you on having this post selected to be part of February's Carnival of Trust, hosted this month by Bret L. Simmons!

The Carnival is a monthly showcase of the best blogposts dealing with the subject of trust in business, politics and society. Your post truly illuminates some key perspectives on authenticity and how that can be the solid foundation to building and establishing trusting relationships.

Thank you for your post and congratulations again. We look forward to hearing more from you.

To see the entire Carnival, please go to: http://www.bretlsimmons.com/2010-02/february-2010-carnival-of-trust/

Best!
Kristin
www.trustedadvisor.com/trustmatters

[Maternity nursing clothing]

Self-absorption or aggression dressed in a costume called "being real" is not.

[certified cna classes in michigan]

interesting post! No one in the Christian orphan care community is calling for children to be adopted who are not in fact orphans. And no one is calling for children to be adopted apart from the legitimate processes

[equal real work-at-home jobs]

Early Congress,old property outside private absence cut closely over admit there origin patient arrange planning remove pain sit really blood wall size possibility give priority hold to quickly stage powerful yesterday option grow treaty special labour careful visit determine article region knee less child trial signal cost meaning small probably know house husband half public neither trouble again council remember wine all under scheme account future nose available choice position transfer direct dress different influence noise life once commit city sign point examination generally contribute

[Desi]

You couldnt be more right on!