Bosses that Drive us Mad

Perhaps the most common question I get is what someone should do about a boss that drives them crazy. The reasons for the madness vary, but they clump up into the following themes of annoyance:

• Micromanagement (also the closely related control freak)
• Slimy behavior
• Changing their employee's work in a passive aggressive way
• Cold, aloof, and general unfriendliness
• Makes you and the organization look bad
• Wishy washy
• Won't shut up
• Not sharp enough for the job; not up to the challenge

Looking at the list, we all probably have some shades of at least one of these traits - we are all beautifully flawed. But some bosses seem more flawed than others. Perhaps they were victims of a rogue sports coach with a love of asserting authority over everything, or maybe their parents handed them over to pubescent acid-dropping babysitters, or perhaps they went to a famous university and became convinced that this should mean more than it does.

What to do....

We have a few choices, none of which involve fixing their problem (they fix YOUR problem). Why? Because their management style is not our problem to fix. That said, we can reduce the damage a bad boss causes. We can:

• Improve our patience and tolerance - don't let minor things get to us. We know he/she will _______, why be surprised and aggravated when he/she does it?
• Provide the right amount and quality of information to reduce the unwanted response.
• Focus on the contributions you can have, the difference you can make, not the ways that your boss might be making your job difficult. If you got another boss, they would have flaws, too.
• Take comfort in the fact that if his/her bad behavior is clear to you, it likely is clear to others. These things have a way of working themselves out. And if others don't see the behaviors as problematic, then perhaps the work environment is not a good match for you.
• Find a way to enjoy your accomplishments. If you let your boss's annoying behaviors take too much of your passion, attention, and spirit, you might need to start thinking about a "Plan B." And even if you do decide to start looking elsewhere, chill out and have fun doing good work in the mean time. Doing so will serve you well.

We know that the most common reason people leave their job is because of their boss. I am sure that much of this dissatisfaction is appropriate. I also think that we can and should learn better ways to thrive in spite of our boss's annoying ways when that is possible. Of the people who leave because of a bad boss, I bet some look back and regret making the move.

And bosses, I am not letting you off the hook! Print out this post and ask your team which one of the annoying behaviors listed above best describes you. You might be surprised at their answer and you might learn something that you can use to get better. If your employees think you are slimy or untrustworthy, however, you won't likely get good feedback. :-)

Comments

[David M. Kasprzak]

One thing that can't get lost: The boss was once an employee, and probably spent some time complaining about their boss, too. So, when employees rise up, what can they do to make sure they're not the jerk boss everyone hates? I don't think it's inevitable, but it does require rethinking what ought to get people promoted.

[Skip Weisman]

I have to disagree that "their management problem is not yours to fix." People can not change what they don't know is a problem. Many people have blind spots with regard to how their behaviors impact people. This is often because others in their lives enabled the behavior and let it slide.

If the behavior is impacting your company or your department, it could eventually impact your job, too.

In my executive/leadership coaching one of the core principals I ask my clients to apply is "humility." Leaders need to be humble and open to feedback from those that report to them. If they're not, to me that is a fatal flaw.

Subordinates need to feel capable of doing so and if it is not well received, that's a sign for me that I would look for another opportunity because it will make for long days.

I agree there is tremendous value in personal coping mechanisms you suggest, but for how long will those last before they gradually become less effective over time?

All one has to say is, "boss, I'm wondering if you might be open to a little feedback on a couple of things that may be negatively impacting how you are being perceived?" or something to that affect. If they say "no" move on, if yes, it may open the door for a very enlightening and productive discussion.

This is where powerful and positive influencing communication skills can help an organization from top to bottom. Here's a resource link: www.WeismanSuccessResources.com/leadership-communication-influencing-skills/

[lisa haneberg]

David - you are right, it is so easy to forget how WE felt when WE were being impacted by the boss.

Skip: I agree that we ought to try to help our bosses become more self-aware if that is possible and if they are open to that. I would never suggest that we should not try to help managers, peers, or team members improve. At the end of the day, however, it is NOT our responsibility to make decisions about whether our boss is worthy of the job or if a change is warranted. I have seen many professionals derail their career because they were focused on bringing attention to their boss's failings (not a good use of your time and likely to backfire big time). That's what I meant by the statement that it is not our responsibility.

Thanks for the comments!

[Renata]

Interesting Post! On the topic of boss you might want to see this video post "the irrelevant boss" by Vineet Nayar http://www.vineetnayar.com/the-irrelevant-boss/