Good Boss, Bad Boss, Bosses with Smiles Behind Their Hollow Eyes

So much of our happiness is about how we define things and the meaning we attach to what occurs. For example, imagine your boss forgets to inform you of a decision and this lapse causes you stress and a lot of do-over work. Meaning? He does not care about whether I waste my time. She thinks we are mind readers. He thinks his time is more valuable than ours. There she goes again, leaving her team in the dark.

We are meaning making machines but often the meaning we attribute and assign is either incorrect or does not serve our goals. This is very apparent in how we think about our bosses. Like us, our bosses are highly flawed, highly talented, and likely too busy to read our minds or spend quality time with us. Some will be annoying, unprofessional, unfriendly, etc....Most care deeply even if they do not know how to show it. Most want to be great bosses although many have no idea what this means of looks like in action.

Here is my point. We can only control one person - ourselves. We should be mindful of the meaning we attach to the things that occur to and around us. Want a new reality? What a different kind of experience? Adopt the most positive and engaging meaning possible that will fit each situation. I am not talking about being oblivious to the obvious or being naive.

I have had this conversation with many of my coaching clients and there is almost always a way to adjust meaning so that it serves the situation and their needs better. For example, I once worked for a boss who had a one track mind and saw everything through a vary narrow filter. At first I made him wrong, inept, and undeserving of his role. Then I changed how I saw it. I saw him as having a strong and predictable POV, but someone who did want to do the rights things and help me succeed. Whether he changes or expands his ideas is his challenge, opportunity, and choice - how I interact with him and whether I let his style drive me bananas is mine.

Comments

[CareerORama]

Interesting post, I think I agree. However, how many directs that are individual contributors are able to think in these terms - in my experience, not many. If you have managers reporting to you, it is certainly reasonable since they have been on both sides. Great food for thought.

[charlotte supervisor training]

I definitely agree with the statement "we can only control one person - ourselves." People can only strive to put forward their best work and let everything else take its course. Thanks for sharing this article!

[delivery jobs]

I think its important to give your best in each field.And then each one has its own point of view to a particular thing so boss will have a different opinion of your work and will correct you which will be good for us only.

[Team Building Seminar]

Thanks. Fortunately, I have a great boss that is very good at leadership.

[Kitchen remodeling boca raton]

Your work is so amazing and I am so privileged to be reading it.

[Bennet Simonton]

Very good advice and very valuable.

That said, isn't it sad that bosses cause all this stress. The common problem is that they don't understand what leadership is. What is it exactly? -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlWoF1etFP4

Secondly, they don't realize that using the right techniques any manager can create highly motivated,, highly committed, fully engaged employees literally loving to come to work and being >300% more productive than if poorly motivated.

Thirdly, they don't realize that the standard, widely used authoritarian approach to managing people naturally demotivates and demoralizes people, quite the opposite of what's needed.

And finally, they don't understand what motivates us, all of us. The scientific research of psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan discovered what that is -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

Best regards, Ben
Leadership is a science and so is engagement

[Jerry Hingle]

This idea started off as very abstract, but I really appreciate the example you gave. It helped to bring it all together in my mind. I believe you're right!