I saw the master in action this weekend. #leadership #managment

I spent an afternoon with a dear friend yesterday. We chatted over lunch and walked around his beach town. I have always admired his engaging and caring way - he is a leader who makes others feel like they have his full attention and consideration and they do (that's the important part - it is sincere, not an act).

Why? Because he thinks and lives this way. He notices people and things and takes the initiative to be helpful and caring. More so than most people. More so than I do - by a long shot.

I have always known this about my friend but I was reminded - in a vivid way - during our walk. Those who we passed received a smile and hello. Someone had dropped a baby bottle on the walking path, he picked it up and put it on the cement wall so the owner could find it and no one would trip over it. We passed a couple who were taking pictures of each other, he asked if he could take their picture together and then had some fun with them to make sure they got a great shot. He interacted with people on the street, in shops, and in the restaurant in ways that made each smile and brighten.

You might be thinking that I am a little nuts for calling this out because these human acts are quite normal - or they should be. It is true that any one of these moments would be considered what it means to be a good person - nothing extraordinary.

But here is the distinction. He oozed care in every moment. He was aware of others, noticed others, proactively cared for others, and did so while being fully engaged in our conversation. I was much less aware of others.

My friend is someone for whom people love working and he brings out the best in them. And here is the main point of this post. WE can and should do this, too. It does not take a training class or being a particular behavioral style. We can relate to others in this way if we:

• Choose to be a powerful and positive influence on others.
• Take the time and attention to notice others.
• And then be gracious, kind, friendly, and helpful more often.

Don't go rushing to include these expectations in your new employee orientation. Don't add it to your performance review or create a management competency called, "caring." Just try being more demonstrably caring and see what happens. Lead from a basis of positive care for others and you will find that your days, weeks, and years are more amazing and that your good vibe spreads.

After spending the afternoon with my friend, I found myself thinking about how I can improve what I notice and how I respond to others. I am no ogre, BTW, but I can and want to demonstrate care more often - for everyone, not just a chosen few.

You have likely heard the mind teaser about the tree - if a tree falls in a forest but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I have to ask the same thing about caring for others. If we care but no one experiences our affection and goodwill, does it exist? I think that the vast majority of people are caring in terms of our intentions. Most of us are quite selective about how we give of ourselves and I am not sure this serves us, our intentions, or others well.

These tiny actions - smiles, pictures, gestures of help - add up and to make a very big and wonderful impression. Remember, though, that although this benefit is compelling, it should not be the reason that we choose to live a more generous (of ourselves) life. My friend does not think about this. In fact, I am guessing he would think this blog post is quite odd indeed.

Comments

[Danielle McCallum]

I loved this post. I agree the little acts of kindness and consideration go a long way in today's society. If, people were always kind to others and went out of their way to help, it would not be so alien to most. I fully believe that an individual is first a person, than a boss. If the person does not normally perform common acts of kindness, then if they try to carry these habits into their work life, people will acknowledge it as a weak form of communication.
Within The Handbook of Human Communication edited by George Chaney, Steve May and Debashish Munshi they discuss the relationship of power and ethics. “Communication is not for self-expression but for self-destruction,” (Deetz, 1992). I believe this statement to be true in regards to power relations. If management does not know how to effectively communicate their message to employees and clients, they are less likely to be taken seriously.
If more bosses were like your friend, I believe the gap among employees and management would close and communication among the organization would flow better. I really enjoyed reading your blog post.
Danielle McCallum
Drury University
Communication Graduate Student

[Greg Blencoe]

Lisa,

Like Danielle, I also loved this post. I can see why people love working with your friend. He seems like such a positive person who lives in the present and cares about others.

I think that great managers/leaders consistently practice these seemingly small things. But like you said, these small things are the big things.

This also reminds me that business is about people. It's inspiring that your friend uplifts the people that are around him both at work and outside of work.

[Poul Andreassen]

Leadership has been described as the “process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task". Yes being more demonstrably caring is what to be done.
Thanks once again!!

[lisa haneberg]

Thanks for your comments, all, and glad you see the importance of being for and about the people. While it is true and OK that every person will demonstrate care in their own ways. It is also important that we know that care should be defined by the receiver, not the giver, to translate into impact.

[Gillian]

This post really brigthened my day. People like your friend are so valuable in the workplace (and the world in general). Caring, graciousness, kindness - such important qualities. Thanks for sharing!

[lisa haneberg]

Gillian - I am glad this brightened your day - maybe my friend is rubbing off on me! :-)

[Supervisor training]

I could not agree more, what an interesting but also philosophical article!

[Daniel Milstein]

Good Share.I hope more people discover your blog because you really know what you're talking about. Can't wait to read more from you!

[Marc Lussy]

Thanks for sharing this story. I think a lot of people including myself can learn from your friend. I made some (finally positive) experiences with a leader who has quite a different character though. The guys name is Oswald Gruebel, former CEO of Credit Suisse. When I started working at Credit Suisse, At that time I said "if there is a handfull of people who like that guy and follow him with enthusiasm, that would be a miracle". I totally changed my mind and so did many other employees. Today for me he is one of the best leader I ever met although you really could not call him a very caring person. I just wrote down my leadership story with Oswald Gruebel in my blog. http://managementleadership-marclussy.blogspot.com/