Management Craft

Contingent Accolades, AKA Praise-Request Email Sandwiches – They will backfire, so don’t do them!

I have been thinking about this topic for some time and was not quite sure how to approach it. Why? Because the inspiration for this post comes from the frequent requests I get by email to interview an author, do a guest post, do a link exchange, advertise on the blog, etc.. I get many every week, usually a few a day.

Inevitably, the email begins with praise about a post. Lisa, I really loved your posts about XYZ and think that your idea is right on. Some call me brilliant! Insightful! Enjoyable! It makes a girl’s head swell.

And then it deflates. Everything would be peachy and wonderful if the email stopped there, but it never does. The next paragraph pitches someone or something. Often, the topic of the book or speaker or site is not even a good match this blog’s focus (I got one that was about financial planning and I can assure you that in the eight years I have been doing this blog I have never written about financial planning).

Why am I bringing this up? Am I not grateful for the attention? Do I not think their praise is legit?

I think that some of the people who write are somewhat sincere. They do like the blog or post and are sharing that they are a reader to establish some relationship.  I think some are using the latest PR technique to write to bloggers personally and refer to a post (note to PR people, you have a lot of competition and we get these same emails, nearly word for word, every week, you are not being unique).  Some are new to the blogosphere and don’t yet understand why a real blogger would not jump at the chance to share obvious link sites with their carefully cultivated but ever fickle readers (dear readers, I hope you do not mind that I called you fickle, but alas you are, and I know that if I went to the dark side and started being more commercial/slick that you would drop my blog in a microsecond, which is not why I would not do it, BTW, what’s wrong is wrong, I am just saying..) .

And many don’t understand that our blog is our brand and that we believe that everything we do is a reflection upon us (a major distinction between individual and corporate blogs, for sure). I have had a few guest posts on Management Craft but they were provided by people I know and love. Most are other bloggers I admire. None come from people I have never heard of nor have no interest in getting to know. None.

I am grateful that my little blog has a wee bit of popularity and I understand that part of being a blogger these days is fielding PR requests. I am not complaining about the emails. I assume they will continue. So why the public mini-rant? In the words of the White House, I see this as a “teachable moment” related to leadership (pretty cool how I have tied my mini-rant to the blog topic, eh?).

I think that most of the people sending me these praise-request email sandwiches are smart, hardworking, and well-intended. But I wonder why they can’t see the problem with their approach? Why do they think that this should work?

Managers and leaders do this all the time in our workplaces, too, don’t they? I bet some of you have done it already this week and it is only Monday. In an attempt to soften the request or ease into the conversation, we start with praise and transition into the request. The problem is that this approach totally negates the honesty of the praise and makes us look like manipulative fools. We are not – for the most part – manipulative fools but using the praise-request sandwich makes us look this way. In an effort to try to relate we alienate.

If the work someone is doing means something to you, share that and make the person’s day. And if you need something from them, leave that for another conversation and get directly into it when the time comes. You might even start with being really open. For example, I have yet to get an email from a PR person that said:

“Lisa, I know you get many of these emails every week, so I am going to cut to the chase. I would love your help getting the word out about XYZ book, which is about managing drama in the workplace. I know this is a burden and that you need to consider these requests carefully so as not to dilute your brand. I would like to make this as easy as possible, so I have attached a link to a post that I think you would enjoy and that aligns with the Management Craft focus. Link to it if you are so inclined and I appreciate your consideration. I would be happy to send you the book if you want, although I know you will not likely ever have the time to read it. I will not bug you a second time.  PR Guy.”

To be clear, I would likely not link to the post, but at least it is real and sincere. I would be more inclined to consider it. The odds would be higher and I would not feel manipulated.

The bottom line: We humans are pretty quick to sniff out ulterior motives even if they are born from sincere intentions. If you want to have more impact and influence, improve your ability to filter out potential sources of these feelings and reactions. Be more cognizant of how your message is being interpreted. Think through what the unintended consequences might be. See the praise-request email sandwich (or conversation or meeting or whatever) for what it is – a tool that does not work.

And in an effort to save my time and yours, all you PR guys and gals out there, here is my stance on requests related to this blog:

• I do not entertain requests to advertise on this blog. It is not my thing. The only exception is the ad to the right you see from Forbes, which I agreed to years ago as part of being one of their bloggers. Also, I am an Amazon affiliate and when you click to buy one of my books on the right side, I get a wee commission. Both of these income sources add up to about enough to buy a cheap purse or fake pair of earrings each year.
• I do not do link exchanges. Ever. I link to sites and posts I find and I like and I think you might like too.
• I do nothing with blanket press releases. I realize that you will not take me off your list because you want to be able to tell your client that you sent the release to a million bloggers and media outlets, but I won’t do anything with it. Please don’t follow up.
• A rarely entertain the book review requests or guest post requests – really, your energy will be better used asking someone else. It is so rare that I will say yes. I share resources I hear about from pals or find on my own.

This is my stance. It might hurt me in the long run because I know that bloggers can make some money or find more readers by being more amenable to these requests. I don’t care, this blog is eight years old and it will attract the right people. You, my dear readers, are the right people. I want you to always feel special to me. If I ever slap you with a praise-request sandwich, slap me right back and put me in my place.

I like crescendos - Thoughts on managing based on vibe.

I was walking a 10K yesterday and relied on my iPod to keep my going at a good pace. I have several play lists set up for exercising with peppier songs. I noticed, however, that when I was hurting or needing more uumph (it was hot and humid) that I skipped the perfectly fine peppy songs in favor of songs with big drama and fuller sound.

I like crescendos. In fact, I like crescendos in all aspects of life and work.

I would be happy doing most any type of work as long as it offered the opportunity to create some boom, some wow, some big moments.

This is the vibe I prefer in all aspects of my life and those managing me can get my best work by ensuring I have the chance to experience crescendos.

We all have a preferred vibe and it is a unique thing. Management books suggest that managers ought to get to know each employee's goals and talents. And this is important to know. But I also think we should learn the vibe that fuels their engagement.

Start by thinking about the vibe that you prefer. Then share this with your team and ask them to share theirs. Examples will help clarify what you are asking.

Think about why people leave their jobs (bad manager, I know, but there is always more to it). Often it just does not fuel them. They leave a perfectly great job for an unknown but great sounding job that they hope will feel different to them. What if you could help their current job feel better?

Core Beliefs of Great Bosses

I really like this article from Inc titled, 8 Core Beliefs of Extraordinary Bosses. I agree with them all! Here is one of my favorite snippets from the article:

3. Management is service, not control.

Average bosses want employees to do exactly what they're told. They're hyper-aware of anything that smacks of insubordination and create environments where individual initiative is squelched by the "wait and see what the boss says" mentality.

Extraordinary bosses set a general direction and then commit themselves to obtaining the resources that their employees need to get the job done. They push decision making downward, allowing teams form their own rules and intervening only in emergencies.

I thought I would address my take on the obvious question this article provokes. Can one BECOME a great boss by adopting these beliefs or is it just that great bosses share these beliefs but that the beliefs do not cause the greatness to occur (chicken and the egg). I know - and have seen happen - that when we change our beliefs, we change our actions and outcomes. It must be sincere, we are talking BELIEFS here, not slogans or mantras. But if you believe these beliefs you will become a better manager. Take it to the bank.

Things I want to know when I coach people. #coaching

Thinks I want to know about the people I coach:
 
Drive: What’s motivating her – her driving goals?
Fascinating: What’s fun – what fascinates her?
Triggers: What causes her to be uncoacbable?
Pathways: How will she best hear what she needs to hear?
Amazing: What is her special skill(s)?
Fault lines: Where are her personal blind spots or potential derailing factors?

Try asking about these things, and sharing these things during your next coaching or mentoring conversation. It will help you help others.

And if you are not sure how to answer some of these questions yourself, well, you have some thinkin' to do....... And don't be fooled by your surface-level self-talk. Dig deeper until you uncover the real crux of things.

Complexity Requires Group Success @Atul_Gawande @ted

I like this video from TED of Atul Gawande, author of The Checklist Manifesto. Although he is using the example of healthcare in this talk, everything he is talking about applies to all industries.

My favorite quote: "As individualistic as we want to be, complexity requires group success. We all need to be pit crews now."

Verbal White Space @steveroesler

I like this post from my pal Steve called, Do you use verbal white space. Check it out.

I agree that one common reason we gunk up our communication with tool many words and qualifiers is to "soften" the message. But being unclear and indirect weakens our message rather than softening it. And softening the message is more for us and not the listener anyway.

One of the most caring things we can do is to have the courage to be clear and direct and to the point.

Are you off course? Here is a thought about how to get back on track.

Yesterday I was reminded of a post I did a couple of years ago called, You are Amazing Even if Today You are Off Course. Check it out if you need some perspective/inspiration/relief/ideas.

I have been thinking about this topic a lot this week. Partially because I want to ensure that I stay on course with my goals but also because I see how hard we are on ourselves and the toll this takes on our spirit and desire to keep moving forward.

Shorterm"itis" perhaps.

I think there is something to be said for believing in ourselves. Really believing. Believing that even though our daily choices are imperfect and our resolve wanes at times....And even though we sometimes say one thing and 30 seconds later do the opposite.... That we are fully capable of massive and transformative progress. That we can do _____ and we can be the one that others think about when searching for a good role model. "Nothing stops her," they will remark.

Few aspects of our lives require perfection to work. This is true! Woo-hoo! Yippeekayee! Momentum, progress, small wins, sweet daily victories, moments of glorious clarity - that's the ticket to success.

Don't let being off course become a source of power pulling you away from your goal, see it for what it is. A spec of time that will be gone in a minute. If in the next minute we become the change we seek, we can skip forward once again and enough that future setbacks will also be insignificant. Keep the progress big and the setbacks minuscule.

Enjoy being in alignment in this moment. And don't look back.

Last chance on my podcast episodes, get em' while you can! #management

Several years ago, I did a podcast series called "Fireside Chats". I have not recorded an episode for some time, but I still get about 800 downloads a day. Weird.

I talked with folks like Marcus Buckingham, John Kotter, Dan Pink and many others. I talked with fellow blogger/writer pals Wayne Turmel, Ellen Weber, Steve Farber, Alexandra Levit, Michael Stallard, Kevin Eikenberry, Michael Kroth, Todd Sattersten, Raj Setty and many others.

It was fun, but I doubt I will ever pick up the mic and record more. So to simplify life, I will be discontinuing the feed at the end of the month. You can download all the episodes directly by using the links (in this post and by looking at the "podcasts and webcasts" category pages) or you can select the feed in iTunes and download them there (search under my name or the name of the podcast, "Fireside Chats About Management". All free.

And then once you have downloaded them, you can feel free to share them.

I really enjoyed doing the podcasts, but the editing and processing took a lot of time. At one time I had visions of being the Terry Gross for management.....imagine.....but is was not to be.

Oooh, one more cool thing. Here is the link to the recorded movie/webcast for the song "Breakthrough" that my brother Perry Devine wrote to go along with my book Two Weeks to a Breakthrough and my 40 day motorcycle book tour back in 2007. To date, I think this is still the only song that has been created inspired by a business book. And I think I am the only business author who has done a motorcycle book tour. It was 40 days long and a great experience. I would love to do it again. Ironically, although this book is my favorite, it is - by far - my worst seller. Go figure. I think Jossey Bass still has about 10,000 copies of the book sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Here is a link to the podcast I did with Perry talking about the project to create the song. I love this song and think Perry did a great job.

One more bit of frivolity. I took a solo trip to New Mexico a few years ago and recorded a few podcasts. Here is a short piece where you will hear hummingbirds and thunder (don't have your headphones too high, the thunder thunders). Here is a short piece where I try to teach myself how to play the Native American flute along the Gila River. And here is a piece recorded on top the dunes of White Sands. These are just plain goofy.

I hope you enjoy these recordings and download those you would like to refer to later. I will shut down my hosting site near the end of April.

Also, thanks to artist Jon Conkey for creating the painting that has graced the top of all my podcast posts, including this one. I have the original painting on my office wall and still love it.

 

Things You Should Give Up

I really dig this post from the Purpose Fairy called 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy. I agree with them all. Breakthroughs await those who give up even a couple. Extra credit if you are a manager, as your good choices will rub off on others.

Do their minds BANG! WOW! or do they leave with a whimper and sigh?

I was thinking about a course I attended a few months ago. The facilitator asked me for feedback. It was a good course and offered solid information. The facilitator did a fine job and the participants seems satisfied. Good. Solid. Fine. Satisfied.

I told her that I thought she missed two opportunities. First, the course was not designed to deliver any ah-ha moments - the potential for a mind blowing epiphany was zero. A wise man once asked me, challenged me, what my big idea was for a book project I was proposing. I had no big idea. This course offered no big ideas. Miss.

The second miss was that the course started slow, warmed to medium, and ended medium. There was no narrative arc. Courses can benefit from using the principles of story construction. The flow helps you manage and generate energy. This course was perfectly fine but draining. All whimper, no bang. Miss.

And what about your next staff meeting. Ah! Gottcha! You thought I was talking about a training class and since you don't lead training classes that I was not talking to you - right? Well consider this. I see the same two misses in meetings. That they offer no big ideas - there is no or low potential of an ah-ha moment. And they are not designed to generate and retain energy. Miss. Miss.

Don't have another meeting until you think about this. Even if you have a meeting coming up in two hours, you can do something to make it better. Bring in a big idea. Share something that has the potential to make people think anew. You might fail, but no problem, try again next week. No attempt = no potential. It breaks my heart.

The facilitator - who is a friend - felt frustrated and devastated, I could tell. She had done a good job but had let habit shroud her determination as a teacher and catalyst. I am glad she was devastated because she is talented, special, and can do better. She needed the dissonance to reconnect with why she teaches. Whenever we get people together, we need to strive for better.