Do you really want it or are you wanting to want it? #management #happiness #authenticity

File this post in the category of personal success. Life success. Leading with authenticity.

First, I want to share a very important video. It is not short - just over a hour - but it could transform your life. The video is of Dr. Dean Ornish on the connection between how we live and our health. I watched it this weekend and found it riveting. And I am convinced that to be the best leaders we can possibly be, we need to be the best humans we can be. We need to be the fully expressed version of ourselves. Check out the video here.

Consider this example of authenticity: throwing yourself into whatever you dream without self-consciousness or regret.

There are two sticky parts to the above example. First, is the throwing of oneself into what we dream. I have been challenging myself a lot lately regarding my goals and dreams. I say I want to XYZ, but if I am honest, there are many signs that should tell me that I really don't want to do this. It is a goal I want to want. Something that I think would be interesting to want. But I have to push myself to get enthused about it.

Here is an example. I have been saying for many years that I wanted to get my PhD. I even enrolled in a great program and was underway. It was a slog for all the usual reasons including that I was working full time and trying to have a life. I thought this was normal and it is to a point. But even if I had all the time in the world it would be a slog. And now I can be at peace and tell you I really don't want a PhD. I wanted to want it. Quitting the program hurt because I had already made an investment. But is it ever right to continue spending time and money when it's no longer a goal? No, it is not (especially if you do not need the credential/outcome, which I don't).

I have been thinking about writing a quirky crime novel. I think it is a fun idea. But I am realizing that this might be another one of my wanting to wants, not a real want. What's the clue? I am not enthused to get into it. It is a slog even when I have the time.

I have decided that I will do only the following:

• Things I REALLY want to do
• Things I have to do to be a good citizen
• Things I choose to do to serve others

But I won't do

• Things I want to want to do, that upon reflection, I realize I don't want to do

I can't be authentic - throw myself into it - if I am trying to talk myself into the idea. There will be no room in my tiny brain to focus on making progress.

The second part of the example that is a bit tricky is "without self-consciousness or regret." Yikes, that is a hard but worthy endeavor. I have been working on this. Here is an ego-driven example. I have resisted doing a lot of biking because I was self-conscious about how my big butt must look from behind. So silly, really, especially since A) most people are not thinking of me when our paths cross, and thinking they are is pretty self-absorbed and B) who cares, it is big, which is why I need to bike more.

I have found that when I can adopt a less self-consious approach, I am better able to throw myself into things. It is a gift I can give myself that keeps on giving.

We are mental garbage making machines, aren't we? Success - which I define as fruitful happiness - comes when we can dial down our mental garbage long enough to let our talents manifest possibilities.

Enjoy the week. Throw yourself into something that really matters to you and don't worry if your butt looks big.

Comments

[Ino]

I Love your post. I'm really having a hard time determining the things I really want and the things I am wanting to want. I do realize false wants after or in the middle of perusing it when I already wasted an investment.

[David Joe]

I do think the issue of 'authenticity' as a leader is critical and should be commented on. It is not stressed enough. Leadership must be earned, however most people try to capitalize on 'Positional Power' as opposed to earned power. Leaders must lead with the consent of the governed. People listen with their hearts quite often, and can genuinely discern the truth. It is because of this that businesses, churches and other civic organizations have such a hard time. As leaders, we have to earn the right to be heard. Most people have only earned the right to think, but not be heard. Until the leader has had a broad-spectrum of experience, he is not ready to 'authentically' lead or manage a group. Often people are lead or mentored by non-credible leaders. Beware of people who haven't tried and failed. Your stars come from your scars. Credibility is earned not given and until you've been tried by the fires of life and overcome, it is difficult to lead effectively. Remember: you can't lead where you don't go and you can't teach what you don't know.

[Sharon Gilmour-Glover]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks so much for this excellent post. Powerful and funny - 2 of my favourite things.

I am struggling to finish my master's so I can very much identify with your PhD story. I wanted to want a PhD and I now know, I really don't want it.

I also identified with your comments about throwing oneself in without self-consciousness and regret. What a great reminder to keep working on that.

Thanks so much,
Sharon

[Air Jordans]

Thanks for making a sincere effort to explain this. I feel strong enough about it and I like to read more.